Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
