I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
