she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
