Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
