Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
