I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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