How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
