i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
