He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
