it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it glows. i had to have it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
