nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
