I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
