Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(937): View more from Ohio

Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them

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(602): View more from Arizona

either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.

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(361): View more from Texas

is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?

(702): View more from Nevada

not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning

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(703): View more from Virginia

The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly

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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.

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