I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you had me at cake vodka
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
