My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
