So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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