pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
