OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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