went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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