My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
