Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
