I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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