$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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