well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
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It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
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Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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