let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
barbara walters just said penis...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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