I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't deserve a penis
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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