Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
