Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
