I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
