u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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