Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
