I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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