he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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