so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The struggles of a small town man whore
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
