She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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