i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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