girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
