accomplished twins. life is a go
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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