I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
