She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
