the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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