"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
