so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
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He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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