Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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