What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
