Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
