Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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