I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize