you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
