i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
