Don't you send me to vm
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
