come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
