Plan B is the new Plan A
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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