Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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