get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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