so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
