May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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