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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups

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  27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex

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• (214): View more from Texas

  You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??

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  23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe

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• (206): View more from Washington

  She's going to hate me

  (425): View more from Washington

  Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.

  (425): View more from Washington

  The rest will just start to agree

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?

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• (914): View more from New York

  It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?

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