I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
