What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
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halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!