Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate