Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.

(303): View more from Colorado

She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye

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(303): You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake. (303): She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye http://tfl.nu/k1ky

Replies (4) Good night (1430) Bad night (622)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.

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(617): yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9. http://tfl.nu/1zb6

Replies (25) Good night (2184) Bad night (652)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.

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(910): I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card. http://tfl.nu/3mw9

Replies (66) Good night (1090) Bad night (3289)
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(602): View more from Arizona

Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??

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(602): Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance?? http://tfl.nu/47ts

Replies (75) Good night (2790) Bad night (3984)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father

(973): View more from New Jersey

i think girls just don't want to fuck you

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(908): the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father (973): i think girls just don't want to fuck you http://tfl.nu/fr5s

Replies (31) Good night (2292) Bad night (6240)
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(360): View more from Washington

It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.

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(360): It feels like Jesse James cheated on America. http://tfl.nu/twcl

Replies (22) Good night (4247) Bad night (1394)
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(240): View more from Maryland

Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.

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(240): Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic. http://tfl.nu/gchg

Replies (5) Good night (4468) Bad night (1676)
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(207): View more from Maine

when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance

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(207): when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance http://tfl.nu/dir9

Replies (4) Good night (1605) Bad night (548)
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(647): View more from Ontario

That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.

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(647): That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night. http://tfl.nu/q0pz

Replies (2) Good night (1163) Bad night (566)
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(416): View more from Toronto

I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.

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(416): I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle. http://tfl.nu/y28u

Replies (7) Good night (630) Bad night (1536)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.

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(307): Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too. http://tfl.nu/aq9s

Replies (4) Good night (1229) Bad night (467)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?

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(832): If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me? http://tfl.nu/3f6r

Replies (5) Good night (641) Bad night (367)
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(425): View more from Washington

I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"

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(425): I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing" http://tfl.nu/ogw7

Replies (4) Good night (576) Bad night (307)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.

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(610): My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie. http://tfl.nu/xa8c

Replies (6) Good night (701) Bad night (460)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.

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(413): Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten. http://tfl.nu/8dnp

Replies (0) Good night (155) Bad night (38)

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