i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.