Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
