Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
