can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
