FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
