the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
