I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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