It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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